August managed to plug the humour hole left by holidaying politicians by hosting the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. 2026’s version offered excellent fayre……
“My therapist says I’m very judgemental, but
what does he know? He lives in a house boat.” (Spring Day)
“My paper manufacturing business has folded
seven times so I’m pretty sure it can’t happen again.” (Olaf Falafel)
“When I’m making lemon drizzle cakes for my
good friend Tina Turner, I never use citrus juices, only the grated skin. It’s
Simply The Zest.” (Katie Pritchard)
“I miss Jamie’s Italian. I miss walking past it
and going, No he isn’t.” (John-Luke Roberts)
“I spent all day writing a joke about margarine
and I can’t believe it’s not better.” (Alex Kitson)
“I steal my Latin lover’s shoes. I carpe his
DMs.” (Amelia Hamilton)
“I thought a crop top was just a shirt you wear
to bring in the harvest.” (Hudson Hughes)
“That’s the thing about American shopping
centres, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.” (Steffan Alun)
“My dad’s sister was an Italian chef – we had
lots of nicknames for her growing up. Aunty Pasti. And that’s just for
starters.” (Bróccán
Tyzack-Carlin)
My particular favourite……
“My brother convinced me to go halves on a used
funeral car. I can’t believe I was so easily co-hearsed.” (Fil Milton)
And this year’s official winner of the Joke of
the Year……
“I remember thinking, as I taped a piranha to
my boomerang, this could come back to bite me.” — (Olaf Falafel)
Edinburgh offered another bumper year!
The Numbers
The rumour mill is in full swing now that the
date for the Budget has been set for 28th October.
- Employer National Insurance increased from 13.8%
to 15%.
- The employer NI threshold cut from £9,100
to £5,000.
- Income Tax and National Insurance thresholds
frozen until 2031.
- Capital Gains Tax increased from 10%
and 20% to 18% and 24%.
- Business Asset Disposal Relief increased from
10% to 14% and then 18%.
- Investors’ Relief increased and its lifetime
allowance cut from £10 million to £1 million.
- Carried interest taxation increased and moved
towards the Income Tax regime.
- Dividend tax rates increased by 2%.
- Savings-income tax rates increased by 2%.
- Property-income tax rates increased by 2%.
- Most unused pension funds brought into the
Inheritance Tax net.
- Agricultural Property Relief restricted.
- Business Property Relief restricted.
- Inheritance Tax thresholds frozen for longer.
- VAT imposed on private school fees.
- Business-rates relief removed from private
schools.
- Stamp Duty increased on second homes and
buy-to-let properties.
- The Furnished Holiday Lettings tax regime
abolished.
- Pension salary-sacrifice benefits capped at £2,000
before National Insurance applies.
- The Cash ISA allowance cut to £12,000
for most under-65s.
- A 22% charge introduced on interest
from cash held inside non-cash ISAs.
- The Energy Profits Levy increased and
extended.
- Investment allowances for oil and gas
producers reduced.
- A new Vaping Products Duty introduced.
- Tobacco duties increased above inflation.
- Vehicle Excise Duty increased for many new
cars.
- Electric vehicles brought into the Vehicle
Excise Duty system.
- A new mileage tax announced for electric and
plug-in hybrid cars.
- Air Passenger Duty increased.
- Climate Change Levy rates increased.
- Plastic Packaging Tax increased.
- A new Carbon Border Adjustment Mechanism
introduced.
Together they represent probably the biggest
transfers of wealth from households and businesses to the Treasury in history……yet
with no noticeable improvement in public services.
Regardless of your position in adult life, the
simple maths of 2 years of Labour now means that……
You keep less of what you earn.
You keep less of what you invest.
You leave less to your family.
So, what next for Andy Burnham? The continued
‘death by a thousand cuts tax policy’ or a new direction. We’ll soon find out……but
the general opinion seems to indicate that a further £25 billion of tax
rises will be required to fund election pledges. Just the preceding 2 months
of rumours to endure first!
Elsewhere…….
Climate change warning number of the month……
The hottest day in the UK was recorded as temperatures
hit 38.1C, beating the previous high (38C).
Housing shortage crises number of the month……
The number of new developments obtaining
planning permission has sunk to a 20-year low (equating to a green light
for only 54,000 new homes). When Labour swept to power in 2024 it promised
to build 1.5 million homes in England over the course of the 5 year
parliament. How’s that working out?
You’d laugh if it wasn’t true number of the
month……
Electricity users are paying around £100
million a year in extra costs to operate Britain’s national grid safely
because hundreds of power installations have their meters fitted backwards
(source: National Energy System Operator).
Astonishing MP earnings number of the month……
In the 2 years up to the Clacton
by-election, Nigel Farage made almost £1.3 million in paid work, making
him parliament’s highest earning MP (behind only the former prime minister
Rishi Sunak who has made more than £2.4 million from work including
advisory roles at Goldman Sachs, Microsoft and Anthropic……all donated to
charity)
Crypto number of the month……
The UK has 240 crypto millionaires as
revealed in official HMRC tax data. There could be more…… HMRC has sent warning
letters to 81,000 cryptoasset investors that it thinks might have
underpaid taxes.
Baked pastry goods number of the month……
The annual accounts released this month, Greggs
sold 300 million sausage rolls last year across 2,750 shops.
Favourite number of the month……4 miles
paddled!
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Trump of the Month
It might be the holiday season for many, but
there has been no shortage of buffoonery kicking about.
They are all worthy candidates as their high
levels of craziness deserve to be recognised for such lunatic performance. I
keep changing my mind on the Trump of the Month winner……so I’ll let you decide.
(answers on a postcard to the usual address)
The farce that was the Clacton by-election was……well……a
farce. Such was the extent of the stupidity that was caused by his resignation,
Nigel Farage didn’t even turn up to hear the results of his re-election given
that his main rival was Count Binface. Making a mockery of the political system
to delay investigations into financial arrangements……now where have I seen that
before? Total and utter madness.
Angela Rayner is a prominent
advocate of Labour’s net zero agenda and consistently criticised Tories over
the years for failing to take on energy giants. She was one of the cheerleaders
for repeatedly blocking North Sea drilling. However, it was declared this month
that it seems her opposition isn’t strong enough to stop her from taking a £20,000
donation from an oil adviser. Political hypocrisy at its best.
"One person’s craziness is another
person’s reality."
Tim Burton
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