The festive season is normally a time I like to fondly reflect on what’s gone before and what lies ahead……but all of that Christmas cheer has been ruined by my anger at this new ‘elf on the shelf’ tradition. Exactly who decided this and signed if off?
The challenge of finding a different hiding place each night. Not too easy to find…..but hard enough for the hiding game to last around 31.25 seconds at 6:30am every morning for an 8 year old. The pressure is immense……it’s a fine art……for 24 days in a row. It’s the ultimate Japanese endurance test.
What is this tyranny? Which sick individual gets to decide on making Christmas yet more expensive and yet more of a faff? Can anyone have a go? Can I have a go? Apparently, this ‘tradition’ dates from 2005 and the book by Carol Aebersold and Chanda Bell, which was sold with the toy. Yeah, great work guys.
As it is, I’m only just getting over the ‘tradition’ of the ‘Christmas Eve box’, which is basically a box full of little gifts you give the day before and which is just taking the micky. It’s practically two Christmas Days now.
Perhaps my patience would be a little more charitable if I didn’t have to do my annual ‘traditional’ pilgrimage to fight with semi-naked Geordies for the briefest peak of the Fenwicks Christmas window having just about survived ‘traditional’ ice skating with semi-naked Geordies without breaking a bone. Just.
Then there is the ‘traditional’ last minute scramble to find a solicitor working in the week before Christmas. If you and your partner have agreed “not to get each other anything” this year, then it’s really important to make sure you have something in writing. Got witnesses? Perfect. Make them sign something because there is no betrayal more brutal and no sensation more chilling than spotting something under the tree wrapped with your name on it just before you head to bed having not bought anything for that special someone. My biggest top tip for Christmas……quite simply, lawyer up.
And don’t get me started on the ‘tradition’ of Pantomime. Spending a fortune being ‘entertained’ by Z list celebs wheeling out endless double entendres that need awkwardly explaining to an 8 year old (my standard response after an hour was “ask Mummy”). And exactly how do I explain why the Z list man is dressed as a woman, why he / she has gigantic breasts and why mummy’s don’t make a ‘honk’ noise when squeezed as well. What a barmy ‘tradition’ and I blame Christopher Biggins whole heartedly.
And while we are here……who decided that eating the smallest tub of ice cream with a small piece of wood for a fiver was a good idea as half time entertainment at the Panto?
And my reward? A ‘traditional’ festive hot chocolate bought from a glorified B&Q shed that took the skin off the roof of my mouth, left me sounding like Bruce Springsteen for a week and thoroughly disappointed by the lack of change from my £10 note. And just for the record……no, I do not want a shot of Bailey’s for an extra £4……ever. No festive hot chocolate should ever be priced more than a glass of warm flat champagne. Ever.
And just when I thought faffing had reached full peak, I noted that Marco Pierre White was waxing lyrical that the perfect Christmas roast potatoes should always start with the potato peeled “from top to bottom”. Eh? Are the top and bottom marked? Have I just missed that all these years?
Ah yes. The magic of Christmas lives on.
The Numbers
When you look back on 2022, one thing sticks out like the proverbial sore thumb……inflation.
The return of inflation has been painful and all-encompassing. It has dominated economic and business decisions, leading to more interest rate rises in any year since 1988. The latest rise was a 0.5% increase to 3.5%, its highest level since early November 2008.
Although the latest figures for inflation show a fall in the annual rate from 11.1% to 10.7% and may indicate that we are past the peak, we will end the year with inflation in double figures. 12 months ago the Bank of England predicted inflation to peak at around 5% in spring. Ouch.
The more I read from the ‘experts’ on inflation forecasting, the more I feel that it is like driving blindfolded and taking directions from a back-seat passenger who is looking out of the rear window.
Inflation is a big deal. The cost of Government borrowing set new records at the end of 2022 as it is heavily linked to inflation. Then add in the cost of living payments pushing up Government costs at the same time tax revenues dropped. The public purse was squeezed further as Liz Truss’s (remember her?) reversal of the 1.25% in National Insurance contributions lowered tax revenues.
Not a good festive cocktail to drink……£7.3 billion was paid in interest on Government debt last month, up from £4.9 billion in the same month last year.
When you open your next energy bill, how will you feel about BP’s profits that have more than doubled to $8.2 billion in the last quarter of 2022? They actually made about $3 billion in profits from just gas trading in only three months as it cashed in on the global scramble for liquefied natural gas after Russia cut pipeline supplies to Europe. There are clearly winners in this energy crisis!
The big Government announcement last month was Big Bang II……what it describes as the “biggest overhaul of financial regulation for more than three decades”. It is essentially a package of more than 30 reforms that will "cut red tape" and "turbocharge growth". Or to put that another way……allows banks to make money far more easily.
We’ve tried ‘unleashing the City’s potential’ before. It didn’t end well. Between 2007 and 2009 the then-Labour Government spent £137 billion of public money to bail out banks. Overall, taxpayers have lost £36.4 billion on those bailouts (according to the Office for Budget Responsibility). That’s a pretty big lesson we really should learn from!
If there is one story last month that highlights banks needing stiff regulation, consider this……34.3% of Starling Bank’s pandemic bounceback loans are in danger of default. Who would have thought that poor due diligence on the borrower at outset would contribute to problems later down the line? Amateur banking at best.
Our sacred property market looks a little fragile at the moment. Buyers and sellers have gone into hiding as prices fall. Falling house prices won’t stimulate the housing market as long as people are concerned about high mortgage rates and the cost of living. Nationwide data reveals the drop in house prices last month was the biggest since February 2009 (excluding the pandemic lockdown of May-June 2020). House prices are now 2.5% below the peak in August, with the average house price almost £10,000 cheaper.
And finally……how do we all collectively feel about BoJo making more than £1 million from four speeches since leaving Number 10? That’s quite a reward for failure.
Trump of the Month
I am not even going to pretend there is a worthy candidate to rival this month’s winner of the Trump of the Month award……Steve Barclay.
The Health Secretary (Secretary of State for Health & Social Care if we want to be formal) has the key responsibility for the oversight of England’s NHS and England’s Social Care policy. That’s it.
When you are the fifth Health Secretary in 18 months, you need to have the realisation that those that have gone before you didn’t have the courage to solve the problems. That then turns into a nasty legacy that we are witnessing now……one in eight beds in NHS hospitals are occupied by older people who are well enough to be discharged but can’t be because there isn’t a social care place for them. Is it any wonder that we have all read stories of people waiting in A&E for days to be allocated a bed.
Until our broken care system is fixed, the NHS will be swimming with a millstone around its neck, with predictable consequences for patients and staff. Applying a plaster or two and then moving on is no longer acceptable on any level. Find the political will and bravery to address the mess.
Clear leadership is what is required……yet how many of us knew that Steve Barclay is the Health Secretary even after 3 months in the role?
(for reference, I had to ‘Google’ it)
Trump Lunacy Rating: 10 / 10
And Finally……
“Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm”
Publilius Syrus
