I wrote last month that there are times in history
when we get paralysed by what the world throws at us and the coronavirus has created
one such moment.
What I didn’t contemplate was a second such moment
would rise up and grip the world over with such emotion as the Black Lives
Matter movement.
I believe that my moral compass is pretty sound
(well, I would wouldn’t I!!!) and so it feels easy to have significant sympathy
and empathy for the emotion that drives the Black Lives Matter movement. As a ‘village
living white middle aged man’ it is almost impossible to fully understand though
the depth of feeling that so many have.
I stumbled across two quotes that moved me more
than the demonstrations / interviews / media coverage. They stopped me in my tracks
and paralysed my thoughts:
“We should feel grateful at how lucky we are
that black people are looking for equality and not revenge.”
“It is important that we deal with the
uncomfortable aspects of our past and address the hard but necessary work to be
done in changing the unacceptable conditions of our present.”
The quotes have troubled and haunted me every
day since I read them……but they have helped me to understand a little more of
the depth of feeling that drives this. For so many sakes, let’s hope this doesn’t
just fizzle out……again.
I am also troubled by the lockdown easing
measures that have been announced this month and urge my concerns to be misplaced.
I stopped tuning into the 5:00pm Downing Street
press conference a few weeks ago as the more I listened, the more confused and
frustrated I became. What is the Government’s reasoning? How do they see the
endgame? The more words I heard, the more I heard the stretching of the truth
with almost everything they said.
It feels as if we are living in parallel
realities. There is the world of the Downing Street press conference, where BoJo
carefully expands guidelines to “open up in a Covid-secure way”. Then there is
the real world where people have stopped listening and are using their own
judgment.
What is certain is that the drift towards two
parallel realities continues apace and the chasm is getting wider with each lockdown
easing. This is perilous for all of us and I hope that my concerns are unrealised.
My other concerns regarding a ‘potential’
mid-life crisis have not eased……regrettably. I always felt safe in the knowledge
that my bizarre thoughts had a safe and readymade excuse in that they could be blamed
on the surreal 5:00pm Downing Street press conferences. It felt a natural trigger
for pretty much everything ‘obscure’. But then I stopped watching them and started
recording my thoughts from my regular jogging jaunts since then. The evidence suggests
a new excuse is needed…….and fast……very fast:
-
Exactly
what is being sold at car boot sales at the moment other than long life milk,
pasta and toilet roll?
-
A
pizza is basically a real-time pie chart of how much pizza is left.
-
Of
all the viruses I thought would cancel Love Island at some point, Covid-19 was
pretty low on the list (this was reported on BBC News – it was the fourth story!).
-
I
weirdly miss ‘people watching’ and if I had a CV it would be listed in hobbies
(along with the obligatory ‘keeping fit’, ‘reading’ and ‘lover of the arts’ – I
also have a clean driving licence and was captain of the school football team in
case you were wondering).
- Why
has nobody given a big shout out to the internet during the pandemic as it's
been more than useful? And exactly who is it that you would thank?
-
It's
time to admit that I have never understood why revenge is a dish best served
cold. Is temperature really a key factor for consideration? Is lukewarm or room
temperature completely off the table on the revenge front?
- Do
we now need to launch a new test-and-trace app to locate the Government’s previous
test-and-trace app?
-
At
what stage must you be in life to camp out all night for a £1 thong from
Primark?
- On
a very hot and very long run, I genuinely considered MC Hammer and Jimmy Nail forming
a double act, calling themselves Hammer & Nail and only singing Carpenter covers.
Surely it’s only a matter of time?
- I’ve
not seen a nation so united in Katie Hopkins removal from twitter since U2 put
that album on our iPhones without permission. I am still livid about that and I
won’t forgive Bono for quite some time.
-
I
considered how ironic it was that when I tried to give my Sainsbury’s bags back
to the delivery driver he said “no thanks, they might be carriers”. True story.
- I
have been deprived of sport at the very moment I needed its escapism……but do we
really need cricket to be brought back. I mean, cricket. Come on. Adding to
lockdown boredom is far from escapism.
-
I
miss going into a WHSmith and being thoroughly repulsed by the experience.
- Sleepless
in Seattle is a terrible movie……morally corrupt in fact. Woman hears a sad man
on the radio, stalks him……a lot, has a background check done……all while engaged
to another man. Then she leaves her fiancé on Valentine's Day to find the man
she's never spoken to who's been tricked by his son. I have a problem with the
social message this sends. A real problem.
As I search for the right excuse or reason for
the ‘potential’ mid-life crisis, I will continue to stand by my philosophy in
the meantime……‘an abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal
behaviour’.
Aside from convincing myself that I have normal
behaviour, here is how I got a little light relief in June 2020……
The Numbers
Every month I am shaken to the core at the figures
that the coronavirus has caused and the human tragedy is difficult to comprehend.
I know of more than a dozen families personally that are dealing with a loss and
I cannot begin to understand or offer anything other than compassion. Truly sad
times.
Clearly my fascination with numbers allows me to
compute figures from an economic perspective that the virus has caused far
easier due to my lifelong obsession with numbers. The numbers are simply crazy on
a number of levels……here are a few to highlight the enormity from June 2020.
UK Government borrowed a record monthly amount
of £55 billion, which is 9 times the same month last year.
This borrowing helped fund the Government's job
retention scheme and prevented an extraordinarily cataclysmic rise in
unemployment. The UK spent a total of £27.1 billion on the job retention
scheme and its self-employed twin. 1.1 million employers claimed £19.6
billion for 8.9 million furloughed staff and 2.6 million
self-employed workers claimed £7.5 billion.
It was announced during June that the UK's
economy shrank by 20.4% in April. This was the largest monthly
contraction on record as the country spent its first full month in lockdown. The
fall was almost 10 times larger than the steepest pre-Covid-19 fall.
A 20% GDP drop shouldn’t be surprising but
this is why politicians on all sides are so worried about the economy. It was such
a shame that the media didn’t think of an alternative headline saying: “UK
economy runs at 80% during first month of total lockdown”. Same figures
but a very different message and it would have had a totally different impact!
Global stimulus measures now total more than $17
trillion.
House prices suffer biggest monthly decline for
11 years.
UK households repaid a record £7.4 billion
of unsecured debt, a rate of repayment never seen before. Household
deleveraging has been driven by an inability to spend since the economy was shut.
A record fall in fuel prices pushed the UK's
inflation rate down to 0.5% (the lowest level since June 2016). Fuel
prices declined by a whopping 16.7% during the month.
The failed NHS coronavirus app looks like a vain
attempt by the Government to take on Big Tech. Considering that Apple and
Google software powers 99.79% of all UK smartphones, we should have cuddled
them not flexed our muscles. Time to embrace that statistic rather than defeat
it me thinks.
HMM Algeciras, the world's largest container
ship (400 metres long and 61 metres wide), completed its maiden
voyage when it arrived in Essex. It contained nearly 24,000 containers of
goods from China and South Korea.
Footballer Marcus Rashford persuaded the Government
to agree to spend £120 million on supermarket vouchers to give to
children on free school meals during the summer holidays. Westminster is not an
easy place to come and get a result on a Tuesday night but fair play to him. Away
win……fair play.
One to look out for next month……there is plenty
of noise for a boost to retail spending by reducing VAT rate. It will cost the
Government £9 billion for every 1% reduction in VAT.
The Comedy (The Trump)
So many great efforts to ‘out trump’ The Trump
for stupidity this month. The levels of complete idiocy are flabbergasting and I
almost have admiration for the levels of stupidity on offer from this month’s ‘Recognition
List’. Almost.
I have always secretly believed that Government
ministers, because they are Government ministers, must have something……oh, you
know……‘special’ about them. But this month’s recognition list is a delicious
revelation that argues against this……it contains four of the top five political
positions in the UK.
Ladies and gentlemen, these are the leaders of
the good ship United Kingdom who we trust to navigate our way through the choppy
waters. So let’s sit back and truly recognise those aspiring to be The Trump
and acknowledge that the stupid really do live amongst us.
Recognition #1: Rishi Sunak
In amongst the coronavirus crisis we have witnessed
financial stimulus from the UK Government and Rishi Sunak like never before. Whilst
the stimulus has been far reaching, it is also clear that misuse has taken
place, has been poorly policed and criteria lacking common sense.
All you need to know Mr Sunak, is in the
following example:
The German chemicals giant BASF is the largest
recipient of the Bank of England’s Covid-19 emergency funding scheme despite
only employing 834 people in the UK. The company (valued at €50 billion), has
borrowed £1 billion at preferential terms and underwritten by UK taxpayers. That
is the equivalent of nearly £1.2 million for each of its UK workers. No further
questions your honour.
Trump Lunacy Rating: 4 / 10
Recognition #2: Jacob Rees-Mogg
Never far from Trump-like behaviour, Rees-Mogg
forced MPs to line up for Commons voting on whether they should have to vote in
person. Quoting Shakespeare and 400 year old constitutional law allow such
votes to happen apparently.
To allow for social distancing, the queue to
vote was over 1km long (and that was with a quarter of MP’s not attending).
Rees-Mogg succeeded in scrapping remote voting
but just one thing……when the full house of commons returns, I assume all 650 MPs
will need to isolate if there is a positive test? It just doesn’t make sense. All
at a time when we are told to work from home where possible. You really couldn’t
script it.
Barnard Castle should be braced for an influx
of 600 + MP’s and their families visiting shortly.
Trump Lunacy Rating: 6 / 10
Recognition #3: Dominic Raab
At the height of feeling for the Black Lives
Matter movement and their symbolic ‘taking a knee’, Raab was asked whether he
would take a knee.
Firstly he said he didn’t understand it and it
came from Game Of Thrones. Then he went on to say that "I take the knee
for two people; the Queen and the Mrs when I asked her to marry me”.
This is a man that is supposed to be the
Foreign Secretary of the United Kingdom. At a time when the world is so divided,
surely he has a responsibility to unite people (but you chose not to)?
It’s well worth a watch……it is painful viewing though!
Suppose I should finally get around to watching
Game Of Thrones as I hadn’t realised it had such a symbolic influence on these
times.
Presumably this is Martin Luther King in the
season premiere of Game of Thrones and not from the 1960’s?
Trump Lunacy Rating: 7 / 10
Recognition #4: Boris Johnson
The plane used by BoJo for international travel
is being repainted in the colours of the Union Flag to "better
represent" the UK abroad. The red, white and blue rebranding will cost
about £900,000 of taxpayer money. Are we really so awash with taxpayer money at
a time of record public borrowing?
What was I saying earlier about living in
parallel realities…….there is the world of the Downing Street and there is the
real world where people are using their own judgment.
Call me crazy but could the two worlds be
merged so that those with good judgement could operate Downing Street. Just a
thought.
Trump Lunacy Rating: 6 / 10
Recognition #5: Matt Hancock
There is something in Hancock’s expression which
indicates that he is always in danger of teetering into petulance. It makes his
viewing so poignant, yet hilarious. He’s like a middle manager from a carpet
warehouse suddenly put in charge of whether we should be allowed to continue
existing or not.
The key to The Trump’s mastery is to link
numerous acts of complete stupidity together in as short a period of time as
possible. Respect where it’s due……Matt Hancock gave it a right go this month to
displace The Trump. Commendable in fact.
Example 1: Hancock paid tribute
to Jenny Harries (Deputy Chief Medical Officer) wisdom in “guiding us through
this crisis”. It just felt like thanking a Sat Nav which guided you into a
motorway pileup.
Example 2: When asked how many
black people were in BoJo’s cabinet, Hancock failed to answer (it’s 0 out of 24)
and danced around the subject like only he can. You can visibly see him lose
faith in his own verbal rubbish after a while.
Like any good heavyweight boxer / politician,
he followed up a couple of decent jabs with another decent shot.
Example 3: Hancock called Marcus
Rashford 'Daniel Rashford' and minutes later broke his own 2 metre social
distancing rule live on TV in Parliament. This, ladies and gentlemen, is our
Health Secretary.
I appreciate that there are slim pickings, but
this is my favourite 30 seconds of my 2020.
Chapeau Mr Hancock. Chapeau.
Trump Lunacy Rating: 9.5 / 10
The Winner
This month’s Trump Award for commitment to lunacy
was an easy choice. June 2020 was a fine performance that continues to set the
bar for others to follow. There really could be only one winner this month……The
Trump.
He’s given us a fruity cocktail of lies,
racism, blasphemy, sensationalism, health risks and (of course) stupidity
beyond words. Classic Trump really.
I always assumed The Trump would go to war in this
election year as it’s good for approval rating. I just didn’t think it would be
with America. How very Trump.
He chose the death of George Floyd and the subsequent
protests to tweet:
“When the looting starts, the shooting starts.”
This was a quote from a notoriously racist
1960’s Police Chief in Miami (Walter Headley).
Then……
He sent riot police (using tear gas) to forcibly
remove peaceful protestors outside of a church opposite the White House. This then
allowed The Trump to walk to the church, hold up a bible like it’s his turn at
the deli counter, pose for bemused photographers and then walk back again. Bonkers
stuff but worth a watch for shear lunacy.
Then……
He proclaimed that some economic data indicating
more people were in work was a great day for George Floyd. He somehow managed
to link the two. I’ve watched the speech many, many times and I just can’t link
how employment was a “good day” for a deceased man. I’ve tried, I really have.
Then……
He said it was a great day for equality……when a
disproportionate amount of the newly employed were white people!
Then……
He condemned those protesting because of the risks
of infection for large groups of crowds gathering due to the coronavirus……but
then held an election rally in Tulsa where very few wore face coverings! (it is
reported that nine members of staff / security caught the virus at the event)
Then……
At the rally, he spent 9 minutes explaining why
he couldn’t walk down a ramp or drink a cup of water at a recent US Military
Academy Graduation. What will he do at his next rally…..demonstrate that he can
go potty by himself?
The shear volume and magnitude of The Trump’s
stupidity seems limitless. Damn it……I’m almost at the point of admiration for his
consistency.
He certainly made June 2020 a little lighter
for me.
Trump Lunacy Rating: 10 / 10
And Finally……
“People will forget what you said, people
will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
(Maya Angelou)
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