What a very strange month it has been……
April showers became an April drought. A new tax year started without any complaining at unfair changes that make the rich richer, etc. The country became united as one……not because of Brexit, Covid, children going hungry or Government corruption……but because of a European Super League that threatened to change football going forwards. Clearly a plot twist in a game big enough to align all of our moral compasses.
It was also a month where we seemed to be winning at the most important game…..reducing the spread of Covid and the speed of the vaccination roll out. It gives us hope and allows us to enjoy a little more freedom. Both very welcoming.
Times are changing and you can already catch a glimpse of things that were normal last year now being a thing of memory:
Homemade masks.
Daily 5 o’clock press conferences.
Pretending Zoom cocktail parties are great……when they’re appalling.
Home baked bread using your own sourdough starter (yes I tried twice……yes I failed twice).
Shortening working from home to WFH like some super cool twenty something.
Saying “sadly” before “died” when announcing the daily death numbers. The sadness of death is factored into the word “died” surely?
Essential journeys.
Joe Wicks……thankfully.
Peloton in your back bedroom sweating over clean drying clothes.
Tutting at other runners whilst out running.
Facetime. A telephone call will do. Telephone calls are fine. Nobody needs to see my face.
“Unprecedented times” being used in every announcement by the Government to justify incompetence.
Going for a walk (bizarrely you can walk almost anywhere if it doesn’t matter what time you arrive).
Pre-recorded crowd noise at football. Football without crowds is just thick blokes keeping fit.
Do it yourself haircuts.
Travel corridors.
Vaccine selfies.
New dog.
Home school (thankfully). Whatever the unions say, teachers are, first and foremost, childcare.
Picnics.
Piers Morgan.
Perhaps the thing that I will miss the most from the last 12 months is the amount of time I got to spend with my daughter. She has spent only 3 months at school over the last year and her reward has been some important education from me. Some lesson examples……
English: Using Alphabetti spaghetti for lunch and counting it as an English lesson.
History: Watching Titanic with my daughter and still maintaining 24 years on that there was room for 2 people on that floating door. Let’s be honest here, Winslet was laying on that door exactly how I do when I’ve got the double bed to myself…..star shaped. It’s about buoyancy not size. It's the Archimedes Principle about fluid mechanics. A classic Dad teaching move……history lesson……to drama lesson……to physics lesson. Classic.
Music: Giving an in depth presentation on the problem with Dancing Queen by ABBA……if she is indeed young, sweet and only 17, then how on earth did she get into that club? Fake ID I assume and, at best, she is facing a lifetime ban and the club is facing a hefty fine. I hope she thinks it was worth it. She's also in there with a tambourine……I don’t think anyone will complain if she gets thrown out.
Law: A case study examining the importance of M&S taking legal action against Aldi for ripping off Colin the Caterpillar infringing trademark law. This isn't just any frivolous legal case; this is an M&S frivolous legal case.
Physics: Looking at the by-product of not interpreting key aspects of physics with product design leading to poor outcomes and frustration beyond words at least 20 times a day.
Me: "I need just one baby wipe".
Baby Wipe Packet: "OK, here, have twenty."
Life: Pepper Pig has some clear moral issues, which I can only assume come from poor parenting. A classic example is when she just turned up at a friend’s house in Australia……uninvited. Unbelievable. I am simply not allowing my daughter to watch this anymore otherwise she’ll grow up to be the kind of person to call instead of texting……or facetiming instead of calling. Nobody wants that on their parent CV.
As I put the blackboard and chalk back in the attic (fingers crossed for the last time), I hope my lessons will set good foundations as the little lady moves back to mainstream education.
The Numbers
The success of Covid vaccinations and hope of economic recovery in the UK has seen the rest of the world renew its confidence in all things ‘UK’……highlighted in the strength of the pound, which has had its best period for 6 years. April saw sterling reach the dizzy heights of €1.17 against the Euro.
Another confidence barometer is the International Monetary Fund, which is projecting the UK economy to expand by 5.3% this year and by 5.1% in 2022……some big figures and clear confidence.
Supporting the increase in economic activity from restrictions easing is employment vacancy rates rising by 16% and unemployment dropping to 4.9%, raising hopes that the economy is on the mend. Clearly positive but the true figure needs to take into account the 5 million people still on furlough. Let’s see the figures when furlough stops and the implications unwind.
A low unemployment rate has been bought through furlough. UK public borrowing has now increased to £303 billion over the last year, which was £246 billion higher than the previous year and the highest borrowing in any financial year since records began in 1947.
And where there is money, there will always be corruption. Reports of possible furlough fraud have now topped 26,000, raising fears that Rishi’s job protection scheme has been abused. In addition, banks have filed 24,000 suspicious activity reports to the police about £46 billion bounce back loans scheme. Sad. Really sad.
Brexit still has implications politically ‘behind the scenes’ as the Government works on trade agreements around the world. Consider this……
Pakistan has 3,000 Covid cases per million so it goes on the red list.
India has 10,000 Covid cases per million but didn’t go on the red list until the uproar at Boris’s visit to the country to secure a trade agreement.
India is the 5th biggest economy in the world……Pakistan 46th.
Following the politics and not the science simply isn’t acceptable.
Positive momentum continues for the biggest economy in the world. US consumer prices increased at their fastest rate in more than 8 years as the headline rate of inflation was higher than expected as the Federal Reserve continues to reassure markets that any resurgence is likely to be temporary. The thing is, if you give 85% of adults a cheque for $1,400 then they are going to spend it. That pushes prices up…..and that’s called inflation. Basic economics surely?
China has also seen huge economic growth in its post-Covid comeback. China's economy grew a record 18.3% when compared to the same quarter last year. It's the biggest jump in GDP since China started keeping records in 1992. Bizarrely, the results were below the expected 19% growth!
109,741 people complained to the BBC over its excessive coverage of HRH The Duke of Edinburgh's death. It is the most complaints the BBC has ever received. Apparently, these people thought that watching EastEnders and the Master Chef final was more important than honouring a great servant of our country. Wow.
418 days of working from home and counting.
Trump of the Month
It is clear that there will be many Trump of the Month candidates when the full fallout out of cronyism is known.
Contracts worth billions of pounds awarded by the Government for PPE supplies during the Covid crisis should have raised ‘red flags’ for possible corruption, a report by the National Audit Office has claimed. A review of nearly 1,000 contracts worth £18 billion issued between February and November 2020 identified a fifth of that total having the potential to involve fraud or cronyism. Is it wrong that I was surprised it wasn’t higher?
Companies recommended by MPs, Peers and Minister Offices were given priority by the Government, with over half of the £18 billion spent on pandemic-related contracts were awarded without competitive tender.
It seems that if nurses wanted more money they should have gone about it the proper British way……by just being friends with a tory MP who wanted to profit from a pandemic. It just takes the right WhatsApp group and an Eton connection……bingo.
A great example……
Health Secretary Matt Hancock (our favourite carpet showroom salesman) owns shares in a company which was approved as a potential supplier for NHS Trusts in England and they have been awarded a £300,000 contract with NHS Wales. A Government spokesman said there had been no conflict of interest and Hancock had acted "entirely properly”. How is there no conflict and how can this be deemed behaving properly?
There is no smoke without fire and this will wash out over the forthcoming few months. I fear I will be spoilt for choice for Trump of the Month nominees very soon.
Until such times, sit back, relax and enjoy April’s Trump of the Month. A welcome return of……The Trump.
It’s been quiet, hasn’t it? I haven’t thought about Donald Trump since, oooooh, January. I haven’t heard anyone say “China” in that weird way for months and I can’t lie……it’s been very soothing.
You can’t keep him down forever though……The Trump made a comeback at a wedding at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida and gave an impromptu speech about his specialist subject……himself.
At the reception, Trump took to the microphone and gave a rambling commentary on the state of America and how he’d run it better. Of course……that’s what every wedding needs! Cake, rings, something borrowed, something blue and then an ex-president’s monologue about the refugee crisis on the Mexican border! Nothing says “wedding nuptials” like a speech about “a complete humanitarian disaster”. Classic wedding sentiments.
This is a man who appears to have quite notable post-traumatic stress disorder about losing an election……to the point where he’s reliving it while standing four feet away from a giant wedding cake.
I thoroughly enjoyed these two minutes of footage for old times’ sake……and also to confirm that The Trump did make full use of the free bar. Enjoy……
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVPqOLuVnpg
Trump Lunacy Rating: 10 / 10
And Finally……
"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated."
Confucius
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