The Month That Was……February 2022

Ah February…..you offer hope as we reach the end of that long winter road as you flirt with longer and warmer days. What a pleasure.

Unfortunately, you allowed Covid to knock on my door this month and, being the gentleman that I am, I was a gracious host. A little too gracious. It wasn’t pleasant……and BoJo’s rhetoric that Covid is over and sooooooo last year in a bid to win a little political goodwill seems to be missing the target for many. Me included.

However, of all the symptoms I endured, complete and total anger at a wide range of things is the ailment that seems to have lasted the longest.

Take one morning in my post Covid anger-induced world…..

I made a purchase on the internet. My money was taken within 3 seconds……I have now changed my mind (bright green lycra is just not my colour – who knew?) and as per the terms / conditions I would like a refund. No problem……that will be up to 15 working days to appear in your bank account. Not minutes. Not hours. Days. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Whilst we are here……three little words that mean the world to me these days: Tumble. Dryer. Friendly. I cannot begin to tell you the anger I experience at the thought of a purchase that doesn’t include those words. Maybe the bright green lycra wasn’t my colour but I would have given it a shot if only they had thought about the drying options of such a garment.  How on this ever warming earth am I meant to get clothes dry?

I then decided to tackle a little domestic DIY and this led me to conclude that I have one real remaining ambition in life. I would love, just once, for a question I have about a product that isn't working to actually be covered in the 'Frequently Asked Questions.' That's the dream. Just once. Yes the tumble dryer was beeping……. CONTSTANTLY! No it wasn’t covered in the ‘Frequently Asked Questions’ despite being told by Shane in the call centre that it was a frequent issue. Clearly full justification for sky high blood pressure. Clearly.

Can we all agree on a new rule. When we call up a company and are on hold for a depressing amount of time we NEVER EVER want to be told by a robot we can do everything online when the online ‘help’ told us to call. We've called for a reason.

Oh, and while we’re on the internet subject…..cookies. Bloody cookies. SURELY I've accepted all possible cookies by now on every website that has ever been built?

I then flick through social media whilst on hold waiting to talk to Shane and see #DickResigns is trending. Perfect……“time for Rishi” was my first thought……only to realise that Cressida had resigned from the Met Police. I cried in anger. 

And if that wasn’t enough, news broke after my chat with Shane that BoJo will soon make England the first country in the world to be fully free of all the Covid rules that he and his mates never stuck to anyway. Brilliant.  

I just can’t take much more. I’m done. Covid 1……Covid Sufferer 0.

And then Vlad flexed his military muscles over the flimsiest of reasons!

 

The Numbers

We had a ‘super’ Thursday’ in February, though most people would say ‘black’ was a more appropriate description.

First off was the announcement of a huge 54% increase in the energy price cap by Ofgem, the energy regulator. Then came Rishi’s measures to ease the energy burden with yet another significant fiscal announcement made separately from a budget or other formal occasion. 

Then the Bank of England has raised the official interest rate to 0.5% and slashed its growth forecast. Interestingly, 4 of the 9 members of its monetary policy committee voted for a bigger increase. The Bank of England also said households will see their post-tax disposable income fall by 2% in 2022. The fall is largely a consequence of higher energy bills, the rising tax burden and comparatively weak earnings. This is likely to see the biggest squeeze on income since the statistical series begin.

What does the first back-to-back interest rate increase for 17 years and Rishi’s response to energy rises tell us? Well, first and foremost, policymakers have been badly caught out by the surge in inflation as there was an element of panic in these moves.

This time last year the Bank was forecasting that inflation would be 2% now. Instead, the consumer prices index is already sitting at 5.4% and the new forecast indicates inflation to rise to 7.25% in April - the highest level since the summer of 1991. Such happy memories.

It is not just the UK that has inflation issues……US inflation surged to a 40-year high of 7.5% ......and Turkey hit 36%. Maybe we should be thankful for our lot!

British car production collapses to a 65-year low. Car production slumped by 40% last month as manufacturers grappled with a shortage of parts on top of disruption caused by the Covid pandemic. It was the fourth monthly drop in a row and contributed to the weakest monthly output since 1956.

Oil traded at above $105, its highest price since 2014. It was $60 a year ago and analysts predict that it could “easily” surpass $120 a barrel in the coming months. The increases have been largely driven by a rebound in global demand as the pandemic eases and the uncertainty in Eastern Europe. The rise in forecourt prices was worsened by retailers increasing profit margins in an effort to recoup losses during the Covid lockdowns. Petrol prices have hit record highs, with the average cost of petrol rising to 151p a litre.

I love this quote from RAC: “Prices go up like a rocket, but fall like a feather.” A perfect summary.

The fallout from Brexit appears to be clearer with exports to the EU falling 14%. A big deal? That’s £20 billion lost in exports. Enter Jacob Rees-Mogg from stage left as the new Minister for Brexit Opportunities to inform us that he would soon cut all the red tape he’d just spent 20 years campaigning to create. What a farce!

Spare a thought for university graduates……the announcement that RPI was 7.84% means that Plan 2 Student Loans will revert to RPI +3% from the 1st March. Good luck with that and the monthly compounding impact!

We were warned this month by the Financial Stability Board (definitely in my top 5 of independent think tanks – it’s probably up there for most people to be fair) that the rise of cryptocurrencies poses a significant risk to global financial stability. The cryptomarket has grown to $2.6 trillion and is evolving at great pace. Definitely one to keep an eye on.

Here’s one for you to contemplate when you start swearing at your next energy bill……

There are 2 fuels, 3 ways of paying for gas and 4 for electricity, 2 charges (a standing charge for having the supply and a price per unit of energy used) and 14 Regions. That’s 196 different prices. And that's the simplified version!

And when you’ve got your head around that, 22.02.2022 was both a palindrome and an ambigram. My mind was completely blown at 22:02 that day.

 

Trump of the Month

I keep a rolling calendar of Trump of the Month nominees. It’s the way I roll. Each time I added a new idiot to the list this month it felt like the stupidity levels were raised by the next candidate. “I’ll see your foolishness and raise you to lunacy levels.” 

It stared with Liz Truss using a Government aircraft to fly to Australia at an estimated cost of £500,000 to the taxpayer instead of taking a scheduled flight business class (£7,000). The foreign secretary declined to travel business class and instead used an aircraft leased by the Government to make the 22,000-mile round trip last week. Personally, I don’t mind paying £500,000 towards Liz Truss flying to Australia……it’s paying for the return ticket that I object to.

Then the High Court ruled that former Health Secretary Matt Hancock and current ‘Milk Tray man’ broke equality law when appointing Conservative peer Dido Harding to an emergency health job during the Covid crisis. An unlawful appointment or not……it was an appointment that went on to waste billions. The consequence? Absolutely nothing. Presumably a promotion, peerage or knighthood is not far off for Hancock.

Then Prince Andrew stepped up and paid around £12 million to someone he has never met to stop them accusing him of something he definitely didn’t do. He’s just too honourable. Nothing quite says “totally innocent” like a huge bag of cash to stop talking about it.

Next Rishi decided that the best way to tackle the huge increase in energy prices was to give everyone a £200.00 credit off their energy bill that they then need to repay at £40.00 a year for the next 5 years. Am I missing something or has the government essentially announced a Buy Now Pay Later scheme for energy bills? Exactly what will he do with the £1 billion in extra VAT from households alone on the rising gas and electric bills?

And don’t get me started on the Council Tax rebates for those in bands A to D……when the banding is based on property values from 1991! Absolutely crazy.

But then crazy stepped up to lunatic level. February’s ‘Trump of the Month’ is……Vladimir Putin.

When The Trump described Russia’s invasion of Ukraine as a “genius move”, there could only be one winner.

No further questions your honour.

Sometimes the state of the world makes you want to adopt the brace position.

Trump Lunacy Rating: 10 / 10

 

And Finally……

Word of the month……'arsle’: to find yourself going backwards in a task rather than making any progress at all.