Despite turning 50 in September, I never really felt a mid-life crisis was necessary. No growing my hair long or getting a random tattoo. No need for a bright green sports car or taking up skateboarding. It simply wasn’t needed and the crisis has safely been averted.
But whilst wallowing in my overconfident pool
of smugness, I simply didn’t factor in the real danger……I seemed to have
developed neighbour Tourette’s. In the space of a few short weeks, I’ve turned
into ‘that bloke’ on your street that bores the pants off you when you are
getting in / out of your car.
It started innocently when the clocks changed
and I proclaimed to my neighbour that “it really is getting dark earlier
isn’t it”, with the passion of a new scientific revelation. (bore score: 6
out of 10)
A few days of wet weather later, I felt the
need to inform my neighbour that it will be “good for the gardens”. (bore score: 6.5 out of 10)
As the weather temperature dropped, I felt the
need to confirm to my neighbour that it was “a bit nippy this morning”.
I clearly felt my neighbour needed to hear that despite the evidence (scraping
their car off without a coat on) suggesting they had a fair idea already.
But that wasn’t enough and I went for a double
dose with a “too cold for snow” comment like a smug Michael Fish (ask
your parents) living next door. (bore score: 8.5 out of 10)
And then when it did snow the next day, I made
the bold prediction that it was “too wet to settle”.
I am literally boring myself writing and
admitting this. But this was all just the amuse-bouche to the main course……when
things got really bad.
With my neighbour washing his car, I felt the
need to go full on bore. It took a bit of time because he wouldn’t make eye
contact. So, like any good boring neighbour, I waited patiently until he had no
choice and then I pounced like a lion on an antelope…… “there’s another car
over here (pointing at my own car) when you’re finished”. I even chuckled at my
own humour for full effect. (bore score: 10 out of 10)
I retreated to my sofa and shook my head in
extreme disappointment. What had become of me? Had I really developed neighbour
Tourette’s? I searched for solutions in my pit of despair……and then it dawned
on me that I had suffered ‘Trump-apnoea’.
Trump-apnoea: (noun) extremely
foolish, boring, eccentric or irrational behaviour experienced as a side effect
of an absolute buffoon holding the most powerful position in the world.
The Numbers
I’m still in shock. So for dramatic purposes……
34 Felony Counts
1 Conviction
2 Cases Pending
2 Impeachments
6 Bankruptcies
5 Children from 3 Wives
2 Assassination Attempts
30,573 False or Misleading Statements During First
Presidency
47th American President
4 More Years
The Trump won the Presidency by winning 312
to 226, getting 76,917,038 votes, controlling the Senate 53-47
and the House 220-214. This is despite Kamala Harris spending $1.6
billion on her election campaign. Say what you want about The Trump (and I
have plenty!)……he got the job done.
The Bank of England cut UK interest rates from 5.0%
to 4.75%, the second reduction this year. Andrew Bailey, Governor of the
Bank of England, said: “If the economy evolves as we expect it’s likely that
interest rates will continue to fall gradually from here.”
However, he admitted he hadn’t factored in the
likely increase in inflation from Rachel Reeves Budget and The Trump raising
prices through tariffs on overseas goods. Finger on pulse as ever.
Pay growth excluding bonuses across the UK
economy averaged 4.8%, according to figures from the Office for National
Statistics (ONS). It was therefore no surprise that inflation increased to 2.3%.
It is impossible to hit an inflation target of 2% if wages are increasing
by over double that……the maths will never allow it.
Compared with October 2020, prices of goods and
services are now 24% higher, driven by increases in food and energy
prices. £3.7 billion is collectively owed to energy suppliers from
people unable to pay their gas and electricity bills.
Kemi Badenoch became the first black woman to
lead a major political party in the UK, winning by 12,418 votes after a
marathon contest to replace Rishi. She is the 6th Tory leader
in less than 9 years. Party membership has shrunk to 132,000……
the lowest level on record and down 40,000 members since 2022. A clear
outcome of electing clowns as leaders then.
My own favourite number of the month……6……played
6 and won 6 (netball matches).
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Trump of the Month
It seems that over exposure to The Trump this
month has seen a glut of people also suffer with Trump-apnoea. Foolish,
eccentric or irrational behaviour was everywhere.
The fallout from Rachel Reeves budget
has been anything but positive. Whilst she wanted to ignite growth in the
economy, the outcome is likely to have the opposite effect……leading to job
losses, pay freezes and price increases (aka inflation). You know it’s bad when
Liz Truss (remember her?) pulls it apart and the masses agree. It reminds me of
the Winston Churchill quote, “for a nation to try to tax itself into
prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by
the handle”.
Keir Rodney Starmer was asked if his
decision to cut the winter fuel allowance will be the policy he comes to
regret. The PM responded with……“There are lots of decisions we had to make in
the Budget which to be perfectly honest I’d have preferred not to have had to
make.” Clearly attacking the most vulnerable was a decision that HAD to be made
because there were no other options available for one of the wealthiest
countries in the world. Utter madness.
Kemi Badenoch became the new leader
of the Conservatives (remember them?) with such fan fare that nobody other than
her own family even realised it. Her first speech as the new leader started
with……“I am not here to win a popularity contest”. Errrrr……I am not sure if you
know how this works……but that is exactly what you are here to do……winning a
popularity contest is how you get to become PM. Utter fool.
And then we move on to Kamala Harris. Of
the 300 million population, you would have thought that the US could have
mustered up someone to put up a reasonable alternative to The Trump. Despite a record-breaking
election kitty, it appears that her only message of “vote for me because I’m
not Trump” may have lacked the political substance voters craved. She was
constantly asked what her policies were and her response was always, “well,
what are his”. She gave lots of reasons not to vote for the other candidate but
gave no reasons to vote for her.
If you are going to go head-to-head with a man
that is willing to lie through his teeth and who will say anything to get
elected, then you better have something better to say yourself. Instead, all we
got was vanilla conversations with Oprah and celebrity endorsements from those
flogging an album or movie. It was almost impressive how badly she
failed……especially given who beat her. Misplaced overconfidence was nothing
short of idiocy.
All justifiable candidates and all offering
levels of lunacy worthy of the award in any other month. But the award for
Trump of the Month for November 2024 could only go to……Donald John Trump.
This is a man who spent the last week of
campaigning enticing voters with a “I’m not as bad as Hitler” message, dancing awkwardly
to YMCA and wheeling out a 71 year old Hulk Hogan to rip off his t-shirt. And
voters loved it……in their millions.
Then in the first week after the election…..
- He assembled a team of loyal friends to
ensure they won’t challenge his authority this time around. The Defence
Secretary is a TV presenter and the Health Secretary is a mate who is an
anti-vaccination conspiracist. He has set up a new Department of Government
Efficiency to be run by Elon Musk. The acronym DOGE just so happens to be
Musk’s favourite cryptocurrency which just so happened to spike in price on the
formation of the Department. Who’d have thought it!
- His legal team ramped up their efforts for
The Trump’s convictions to be thrown out because of Presidential immunity.
- He then posed for a photo with all his family
but replaced his wife with Elon Musk.
You know it is bad when President Putin praised
The Trump as an “experienced and intelligent” politician. Well, he is certainly
experienced.
Personally, I think Mexico should build a wall.
And so should Canada. And we should join them up along the east and west
coasts. It is the only way to stop the madness from spreading further.
The Trump as President again is crazy on every
level……four more long bumpy years. Hold on to your hat.
Trump Lunacy Rating: 10 / 10
And Finally……
Word of the Month: Recrudescence (17th century): the
return of something terrible after a time of reprieve.
